I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
