Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize