i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
