dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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