There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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