your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
