i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
