Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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