jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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