wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
