please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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