It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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