shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
