Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
