So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
