I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
