I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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