I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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