Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
