Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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