My Higher Power is John Stamos
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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