so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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