so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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