dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
