Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
