Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
