if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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