I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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