I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
