My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
