ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
