My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
