in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
