Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
