All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
