Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
