Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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