i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
