sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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