I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
