I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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