just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
