Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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