im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Four minutes until I can fart!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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