Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
