A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
