I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
