you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize