he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have post one night stand depression
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