Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
