i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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