I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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