k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
