I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
