He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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