She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
