dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
