I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
