I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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