if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
