who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
