is your mom at the bar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
