My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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