Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
