he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
