everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
