Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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