i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
