My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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