Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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