I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
