FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize