I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
