i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
