Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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