Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Houston, we have a blender
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
