god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
